Lisa…what have you got to say?” 

Lisa, now calm and thinking though everything said, “Actually pastor, I’ve really been insecure. I’ve always felt like my inability to give my husband a child was making him give attention to other ladies… I was afraid that as some men do nowadays, he probably has got another woman by his side. I’ve had a problem with him being on phone and looking cheerful and happy when on the phone with his friends and other ladies, but he wouldn’t share the same affection with me. And even with the times he’s tried to be affectionate with me, it’s been hard to reciprocate, because I just felt like he was faking it. And that was why I flared up today when I found him at the park with the lady!” she explained. 

“And it may be hard for Dennis to believe this. Yes, I truly got that text. But I was really going to meet a female friend. That text was mistakenly sent to me from a colleague at my work place called Ekow. Apparently he was sending it to his fiancée, and he mistakenly sent it to me. So he even sent a follow up text apologizing for that. And that was when I even realized he had mistakenly sent that text”

Lisa showed them the chat history for which they realized that the gentleman accidentally sent that text. The couple  realized there and then that if they had been patient and trusted each other enough, there wouldn’t have been all that confusion. 

“But Lisa… Dennis… Looks like there’s more to this!  There’s  got to be some root cause. It doesn’t look like there is so much love and trust between the two of you now! Can you two remember how and when all this dwindling started?” the pastor’s wife asked them. 

After a while of silence Dennis spoke. 
“Mummy…I think it’s all from when we started giving in to the pressures from family to bear a child. I got that much worried in that period because I felt like God was just looking on and not answering our prayers. I got tired of praying those times. In my heart I felt like it was just going to be a waste, since God wasn’t going to answer…. I couldn’t find his promises in his word to be real… I lost interest in reading his word.” Dennis stated. 

“I think during those times too, I remained quiet a lot and was to myself a lot… I was always in deep thoughts. Lisa probably misinterpreted that… Then before I realized my wife’s behaviour started to change. She wasn’t the sweet lady I knew anymore. She would always complain and cast insinuations. I  didn’t find being with her enjoyable anymore. 

In my own confusion, I tried to be there and to be a good husband to her. But I mostly received the silent cold shoulder….I got tired of her attitude. So I resorted to playing video games and chatting with other friends. At least I could laugh and forget my worries a bit! And now everything’s just fallen apart” 

The pastor’s wife looked at her husband’s face as though they were silently communicating.

Lisa was also given the platform to speak. 

“Dennis is right, pastor. We’ve always trusted God for a child. And though from our third year of marriage we started receiving demands from family, we didn’t lose hope. We trusted God to help us!

But, it this fifth year, it all just got unbearable. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to fight with God during these times. I realized my husband had started to become quiet and somehow to himself. He became withdrawn! Anytime I’d  asked why,  he’d just  say it’s  nothing!  He was always absent-minded. And that was confusing for me as a woman!  I don’t know where the fear came from, but I started getting scared. 

“Silently we were drifting apart! Communication was waning! Thoughts of me losing my husband kept running through my mind. I tried to make things work by finding opportunities to chat with him. But everything was just sour! And my efforts always ended up heightening our confusion! I realized I was losing my sweetness! That made me get angry with God the more. I felt that He wanted to take everything away from me!

“Soon we weren’t praying together anymore! We weren’t saying sorry to each other!  I became so suspicious because we were hardly communicating! We weren’t studying the word together anymore! I can’t remember the last time we prayed together or even had devotion as a couple! And now it looks like we’ve lost hold!” 

#TheMissingSpice

©Dorothy Budu-Arthur, 2017

WordPress:   https://dorothybuduarthur.wordpress.com/

Facebook:  https://m.facebook.com/dorothybuduarthur.blog/

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