It probably has been a while since I called you that… It probably has been long since you heard the words ‘I love you’ from me. And in actual fact, I hardly give myself the chance to hear those words from you too!
It’s my own fault then when I ‘feel’ like you don’t love me sometimes. Cuz’ I just don’t make time to hear those words from you.
It’s ironical: I always complain that you aren’t near, and that I can’t feel you. But in actual fact, I am rather the one who isn’t near… being carried away by the winds of life, further and further away from your love.
I’m the one who doesn’t seek you, yet I feel like you rather aren’t near. I virtually forget that you always choose to be close to me, but on the other hand, I don’t choose to draw near to you every time.
Sometimes I forget that I am to love you. Sometimes I forget that you’re the lover of my soul. Sometimes… I forget how falling in love with you feels like. Sometimes, I don’t even have the desire to be with you, or to talk to you or hear from you. Yet I know that I love you! Or should I say, I know that I’m supposed to love you with all my heart… My heart…
Sometimes I hear you knocking on my heart’s door. I know you desire fellowship and intimacy when you do so… But I just find myself being unresponsive to your love.
Deep down I know my heart is always awake anticipatory of spending time with you… But I have put off my garment of intimacy… I have put off my garment of prayer and praise and worship… I have put off my garment of studying your word… I have put off my garment of holiness and purity… and all that remains is my ‘flesh’! How then can my heart respond to your call? How then can my heart kiss towards you? No wonder my heart doesn’t desire you sometimes… No wonder it doesn’t get moved for you!
My Love, I try so hard to love you not just in word, but in action. Yet I find myself failing. I really try to, but I find my love for you waxing cold.
But I need a sustained fire and desire for you and only you! I need to love you with all my heart. I need my heart to move for you, and only you!
So… please… Help me! Help me! Help me to love you every day! Help me to seek you with all my heart! Help me to desire you every moment!
Put your hand on the door of my heart! Touch it with your mercies! Touch it with your grace! Touch it with a burning desire for you alone! Bestow upon me the grace to love you every moment! Let my heart be thrilled for you every day! Let me love you more and more! Let my heart be moved for you!
This is my desire! This I ask!