“Why are you involving a third party? If you tell your pastor that you struggle with pornography and masturbation he will lose trust in you! Soon he wouldn’t make you lead worship and praises in the church, and your little secret may just spread.  You needn’t go to him. Every Christian has struggles. And you can deal with it in your closet.  You can deal with it on your own. If you tell him now, he’d see you to have backslidden… Just go back home. Keep it as a secret and deal with it…”

There was strife within. A part of me seemed to say ‘Go and share it with him. You need help in fighting this battle’, yet another part of me seemed to say, ‘No don’t go to him. He will lose trust in you if he knows about your secret sin.’

I wasn’t ready to feel humiliated or disgusted. I felt like I had a reputation to keep, and that could just be marred by me sharing my secret sins with my pastor. The church really saw me to be ‘spiritual’. And so I didn’t go to see Pastor Obiri anymore. 

I decided to go to the chapel just to pray and receive God’s mercies. As I got to there, I realized that the church steward, Mr. Donkor, together with some two elders in our church were inside the chapel.  And since I wasn’t ready for any questioning from any of them as to why I was there, I just decided to leave for home.   

Passing by the church hall as I was leaving the church premise for the house, I heard some voices of a male and a female behind the church hall. And what they seemed to be saying brought me to a halt. 

“See I’m not ready for this! Just do it, nothing will happen to you!” said the male voice.

©Dorothy Budu-Arthur, 2016

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3 thoughts on “​MY SECRET TOMB: EPISODE 24

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