“Hmm!” I sighed. 

It was 11:52pm on a Saturday night. I was feeling remorseful again after that ‘usual act’. And the guilt feeling had crept into my room again. 

“Are you satisfied now?” I asked myself. I shut down my laptop then took out the pen drive.  That pen drive! As usual, I kept it in a place where no one would find it. Only God knew the content on that pen drive. 

 I had done it again. I had pleasured and satisfied my flesh again. Now I was feeling guilty. It had become a usual routine for me to quickly go on my knees asking for forgiveness from God every time I finished satisfying the flesh. But for this night, I couldn’t find the strength to even go on my knees. 

I knew as a believer that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. And after my sinful act I knew that I had grieved the Holy Spirit. I wondered if he’d use me in a few hours’ time to bless lives at church when I stand before them to lead worship. I felt ashamed and guilty. 

“You’re taking God for granted! You’re trampling on the blood of the Son of God under your foot!” Something fearfully seemed to tell me. “As usual, you’re going to ask for forgiveness for your willful sinfulness!” 

I was becoming afraid as I was alone in my room! I was afraid to even pray to God to ask for forgiveness. I felt like he would strike me dead!  I had told myself that I wouldn’t pleasure my flesh that night. But I failed again. I failed again! I gave in to the flesh again!

 And with the very hands that I’d use to hold the microphone then raise them up to the heavens to lead the congregation in worship in just some few hours’ time, those same hands I had used to pleasure myself.  With the very hands I would use to receive the bread and wine at communion, those same hands had been used as instruments of unrighteousness.

I slipped off my bed then got to my usual kneeling position to ask for forgiveness. But somehow, the guilt became overwhelming. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t ask for forgiveness. I just knelt down feeling remorseful, and being afraid to pray. And in the midst of all the fear I was experiencing, the lights suddenly went off. It was blackout. 

I thought that to be very strange since the lights in my neighborhood hardly went off on weekends. Suddenly, there was a loud thunder and a lightning that flashed across the skies which illuminated my room in a frightening manner. As I struggled to get my lamp I heard a loud bang on my door. It was Panyin. I quickly went to open it since he was still banging on the door.

“Bro. Ralph! Bro. Ralph!” 

“Panyin what is it? Why are you in tears?”

” Bro. Ralph!”

The boy looked petrified. 

“Panyin! What? What? What is it? Why are you crying?”

“Bro. Ralph Rapture! Rapture! Kakra is gone! Kakra is gone!”


©Dorothy Budu-Arthur, 2016

WordPress:   https://dorothybuduarthur.wordpress.com/

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3 thoughts on “​MY SECRET TOMB – EPISODE 5

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